Setting Boundaries with Emotionally Immature People—With Compassion and Clarity

Many people today are learning the importance of setting boundaries, especially when dealing with emotionally immature individuals. These are people—often family members, such as parents—who struggle to take responsibility for their emotions, lack empathy, or react defensively when faced with uncomfortable truths. While the internet is full of advice urging people to cut ties entirely, that isn’t always realistic—or even desirable—for everyone.

The truth is, not every situation calls for total estrangement. You may deeply love the person you're struggling with. You may share a home, co-parent, or feel a cultural or spiritual duty to stay connected. In these cases, boundaries can become a lifeline—not a wall.

Why Boundaries Matter

Emotionally immature people often pull others into their emotional storms. Without clear limits, their volatility can leave you feeling drained, confused, or guilty. Boundaries are how you protect your peace, clarify expectations, and stop cycles of manipulation or emotional over-responsibility.

How to Set Boundaries with Kindness

1. Get Clear on What You Need

   1. Ask yourself: What behavior is hurtful or unsustainable? What do I need to feel safe and respected?

2. Communicate Calmly and Directly

   1. Use “I” statements and stay firm without being aggressive. For example: “I’m not able to have conversations when yelling is involved. I’m happy to talk when we can both stay calm.”

3. Expect Pushback—and Hold Steady

   1. Emotionally immature individuals may test or ignore your boundary. Stay consistent without engaging in their reactivity.

4. Set Consequences Without Punishment

   1. Boundaries are not about control or punishment; they’re about self-care. “If this continues, I’ll need to take a step back from phone calls for a while.”

5. Remember: Kind ≠ Passive

   1. Holding a boundary can be the most loving thing you do—for both you and the other person. It models maturity and respect without enabling unhealthy behavior.

      
      

Boundaries Are Kind

Setting a boundary doesn't mean you’re being mean, ungrateful, or disloyal. In fact, it often means you're choosing to stay in connection with someone without losing yourself in the process. It’s possible to say, "I love you, and I need space," or "I care about our relationship, and I also need to protect my mental health."

Boundaries aren't about shutting people out—they're about staying whole when people can't meet you where you are. When done thoughtfully, boundaries offer a path to healthier relationships—not just with others, but with yourself.

If you are struggling with this as it specifically relates to a parent, please get more information here.

Important Note: If there are abusive behaviors, please seek guidance from someone trained in abuse to help you navigate setting boundaries safely as abusive behaviors can often increase when boundaries are set. If you are in the Mississippi area I am available to help, please reach out 601-573-2165.